April Fool Joke: Bidet Installation and Use Act 2020

Yesterday, the UK government passed the Bidet Installation and Use Act 2020 — the new law seeks to eliminate the national toilet paper shortage.

So, from 2021, all new homes built in the UK must have a bidet installed.

a bidet will help to end toilet paper shortage
Toilet (left) and Bidet (right)

April Fewell (Government Minister for Toilets) said, “people hoarding and fighting over toilet rolls is embarrassing. We are now the laughing stock of the world.”

She added, “passing the Bidet Installation and Use Act 2020 will help to ensure that we will no longer be the butt of jokes.”

Additionally, the government has announced its intention to have NTP by 2030. NTP stands for No Toilet Paper. 

Consequently, the UK will be one of the greenest countries on the planet.

“This announcement will be welcome news for environmentalists!” stated April Fewell.

What is a bidet?

Words alone cannot do justice to describe the beauty and simplicity of a bidet. So, it’s better to watch this video:

Faced with a barrage of questions about possible non-compliance with the Bidet Installation and Use Act 2020, Fewell replied:

“Starting in 2021, every new home in the UK will also have a ‘smart’ toilet and, therefore, it will send a signal to the Ministry of Toilets if the bidet is not used afterwards.”

“And, all properties built before 2021 will have government-approved smart toilets and bidets retrofitted by the year 2025.”

Also, the government has given the police new powers to arrest or fine (up to £2000) those who insist on not using an installed bidet in their homes.

Furthermore, the government stated the unprecedented measures were needed to “reduce panic buying of toilet rolls, and to eliminate toilet paper shortages.”

Certainly, civil liberty groups are furious and have vowed to disrupt the government’s plans. 

“I’m not taking this sitting down – I intend to fight!” said one activist who wishes to hide his identity.

He added, “It gives a new meaning to the phrase Big Brother is watching you!”